The seven month itch

Who would have thought that as little as seven months ago, life as we had known it would change arguably forever……Seven months, a relative drop in the ocean in our lives but a period of time which has, for many, challenged and redefined the very essence of our being.

I’m not going to go on to talk about the new normal, or how unprecedented this year has been, as it is this narrative which I believe is unhelpful as we all struggle to adapt and absorb what has, and continues, to happen around us.

I am struck on a daily basis as to how much this situation has undermined all that we knew, believed in, relied on and perhaps even took for granted. Freedom, security, our health and our loved ones - these have been dramatically thrown into the spotlight and forced us to consider what is important to us at often a deep level.

I for one, have learnt some pretty vital lessons over the past few months, both personally and professionally. I always pride myself on my pragmatism and optimism, as they’ve stood me in good stead for most of my life. But forced to reflect, there are definite cracks starting to show. Facing this, I have been thinking about what it is that motivates and drives me as I feel like I need a reboot.

I am 100% goal driven; I love a challenge but it needs to have a point or a goal. This is why I love agendas for meetings and a to-do list (yes I strike things off with glee). This is also why I am fiercely competitive, even when bowling with my 7 year old….

I over-invest emotionally in all aspects of my life; caring too much can sometimes be a bad thing right? When you care, you do a better job or be a better person, simple.

I put 150% in and expect the same from others; when I don’t get that I get frustrated and annoyed with people. I tell myself, don’t judge people by your own standards but that’s tough for me. Why be half arsed when you can knock it out of the park?

Being the best version of myself is a must; I challenge and question myself more than anyone could ever do, but that makes me constantly improve and focus on making small changes to keep moving in the right direction.

Some say I have no filter, I say I just speak my mind - with confidence and commitment.

That all being said, I’ve actually not forgotten any of these, perhaps misplaced them for a time .

As we approach the 7th month of this, I think I am getting myself somewhat overwhelmed or perhaps just fatigued with the rhetoric, the fear and the uncertainty. I don’t want normal back, I just want to find positives in the darkness to look forward, to plan, to dream and to enjoy all the things which bring me joy and keep me going. Surely that’s not too much to ask…..is it?

Let there be light….

As we enter into our 4th week of lockdown, I felt compelled to capture my thoughts and musings during this bizarre and unchartered time.

Over the past few weeks, there are some key recurring thoughts that have occupied my mind, mostly late at night or when I’ve found myself with a rare moment of solitude. These thoughts are not a deep look at my psyche, but rather just some things I have been thinking about and which have largely defined my own experience of lockdown.

1. Being self employed (and having a husband who is in the same boat) has made me feel vulnerable and fearful. Everyday I think about those people who have lost everything.

2. The thought of resorting to a ‘proper job’ has once again come to the fore of my mind

3. I like routine - in fact, I struggle to function without one

4. 6 year olds need CONSTANT entertainment and snacks

5. Home schooling is a myth; I would have made a terrible teacher

6. The strength of our communities (at work and home) continues to inspire me and often bring a lump to my throat; let’s remember this when ‘normality’ returns

7. My friends who work for the NHS are the most amazing troopers and I will tell them this everyday for the rest of my life. Their purpose and commitment really does give me huge perspective - and makes me burst with pride.

8. My mother could be a poster girl for self imposed (elderly) isolation - she is the most compliant human I have ever met, who knew!

9. We all need to change some things in our lives, not just for now, but forever - don’t get me started on panic buying 🤬

10. I feel lucky and blessed with what I have, I just needed something to remind me of this

So there you are - my 10 things. One reason for writing this is so I can look back and remember how I felt. And perhaps see what I’ve changed in my life! I do believe there will be light at the end of this tunnel, and I am just hopeful that this light shines as brightly for everyone as is possible. Let these dark times pass and the light resume soon….

Stay safe and well everyone x

'it's not a proper job'

Nothing like being told by a six year old that you don’t have a ‘proper job anyway’ to focus the mind on why you chose the path you do. 

With being self-employed, the huge benefits of amazing flexibility are not lost on me but having to recondition yourself into an entirely new way of working remains challenging, even three years on.  Some of this pressure does still come from expectation (my own mostly), but more so from perception….

To start with, working from home (in my dedicated home office I might add) means I don’t leave to go to ‘the office’ so it is therefore believed I can be around to juggle other tasks and chores,  as well as my full time consultancy work…..

When telling people I ‘work from home’, this conjures up a variety of images – and questions like ‘oh you can put a wash on…while you’re working’ – is this really a tangible benefit of working flexibility?  I really hope it’s much, much more than this… 

Also being at home makes many people assume I don’t work at all….chances! 

All of this does make me wonder just how structured and traditional perceptions of work remain even in the age of greater flexibility and agility.  Does this greater flexibility erode a person’s professionalism or capability?  I would argue absolutely not.  For me it makes for much more productive, efficient and diligent working practises. 

3 is the magic number

As I embark on my third year of self employment, and of course its January, it feels apt to reflect and refocus on what has come before and what looks likely to come this year. Year 1 was immense for me, year 2 was a mixed bag so what will year 3 bring, who knows? But what I do know is with every year that passes, I understand more about what I can do and who I am, professionally speaking.

A new year can really focus the mind and force you to plan; to think about what you want to achieve and how you are going to get there.

Whilst I don’t have any great urge to resolve to stop or start doing things, I am starting to feel like I actually am finding my feet in this uncertain and erratic world I call work. In turn this has made me think about my ‘three things’ for 2019. So here goes….

1. Refine and refresh what I do, why and how. Explore the value of my skills and make sure to align this to the ethos I am committed to - clarity.

2. Meet more people; make new friends and get out more. Don’t accept the solitude of self employment; find likeminded people and have some fun.

3. Give something back. Focus less on the commercial and more on the valuable.

On top of this, I am going to try to write monthly and also complete my first triathlon - so not much really.

Here’s to a happy, healthy and action packed 2019!

afraid of the dark.....

At the start of 2018, I faced uncertainty as a self-employed consultant.  The uncertainty came in the shape of a rather thin pipeline of future work.  Thoughts of getting a job came thick and fast as I desperately tried to hold my nerve and stay positive.  Sharing my concerns with fellow consultants resulted in heaps of reassurance and lots of ‘don’t worry, it’ll come’ conversations.

Fear is a reality of self-employment but one that can drive and motivate you in ways I’d never truly considered.  Previously in the safe haven of my former life, fear was a totally different concept, and was far from a motivating force.  Harnessing fear as a building block of positive action or focus is very much at the heart of confidence as your own boss. 

Being afraid can truly be a strength as it drives our inner fight or flight.  Facing your fears can allow you to show an inner confidence and belief which makes for greater focus, honesty and outcomes. 

I am not pretending for one minute that this is all a bed of roses, far from it, but I am suggesting that fear itself should not be feared. 

Just remember…‘fear kills more dreams than failure ever will’

light at the end of the tunnel....

If you asked me five years ago if I would ever set up on my own, I am sure my response would have resembled something along the ‘not unless hell freezes over’.  Well hell didn’t quite freeze over but I made the leap and can honestly say, it is most probably the best decision I have ever made.

So just over 12 months ago I took the decision to start up my own business and now as I look back on my first year, I thought it was time to share my thoughts on my very own year 1…. here are my take-outs!

1.     Time really does fly – whether you are having fun or not

2.     Self-employment can be scary, solitary, stressful and exhausting

3.     It’s also self- affirming, liberating, challenging and rewarding

4.     I still don’t relish working from home – despite some lovely Swoon Editions furniture, Spotify and a white board.

5.     I work in an industry of amazing, collaborative, honest and inspiring people

6.     Most clients are fair and honest, some aren't - trust your judgement and gut instinct

7.     Take pride in your price (thanks to Heather Campbell for that one)

8.     A home office is not a sanctuary. Kids love to 'help' you work....

9.     If they don’t pay, take it away*

10.  Stay true to what you believe and be honest.

So year 1 is done and I am actually starting to relish what year 2 might hold for me on this crazy journey.....onwards!

*Note this is in reference to clients not children! 

into the light

in the middle of january 2017, i embarked on a journey with no directions, no definitive destination and a large sense of trepidation. i was entering what some referred to as the career unknown, or a brave new world.

to me it was the stark reality of self-employment.

having always been an employee – circa 20 years – i would no longer be able to tick that box on forms and happily say who I worked for and how long I had done so.  the sense of absent security and abject fear was real.

as so many people encouraged me to take the step and enter this world, I truly had no idea what I was going to do and if it was going to work.

you see the thing about being employed is that you rarely consider your ‘status’.  it is part of who you are, whilst it probably doesn’t define you – well most of you – it is there, constantly.  to step away from everything you had ever known, a regular salary and monthly pay slip, your team mates and friends and the corporate benefits – not to mention the regular international travel – was probably deemed by many to the madness.  although few said it to my face!

so now almost six months on, I felt compelled to think about why I made this decision and what it means in real terms.  without going into an emotional and cathartic outpouring of my reasoning, i had become totally disillusioned and frustrated with the corporate world – a place I now recognise is probably not cut out for me, or perhaps i'm not cut out for it! 

whilst I hold a degree in politics, corporate politics don’t interest me.  i simply want to do a good job, get on well with people, develop, learn and feel like my efforts are recognised. simple, right? well not so much.  you see the thing I have realised about working in big businesses is that you are powerless; a cog in the corporate wheel who is as dispensable as the day it long.  a stark reality that no-one really wants to face head on.  combined with limited flexibility or career development, i actually realised I had run out of road.

but now on the ‘other side’ or where the grass is greener, that world is in the past, and actually has positively shaped my future.  there is no anger, bitterness or regret. the brave new world is pretty decent.  i feel in control of my life in a way that i’ve never previously felt.  the sense of liberation people spoke of is both fascinating and motivating.  i genuinely feel like i’ve stepped out of the darkness into a place filled with light, rather a cliché I know.

so what now?  well the quest to become a viable consultant is happening.  the overwhelming sense of solidarity and support from other consultants, agencies, former clients and colleagues has been nothing short of inspiring.  but that alone won’t pay the bills.  the steep learning curve is real, and scary.  build it and they don’t come.  it is a never-ending list people to connect with; meetings to be had; creds to be refined; potential clients to impress and confidence to be maintained. its truly about making a mind shift and adopting an entirely new outlook.  the ultimate learning curve and journey of self discovery.  I'll get there, but for now its about focusing on one day at a time.